


the peter protection program

by wisterispidey



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Awesome May Parker (Spider-Man), Awesome Michelle Jones, Awesome Pepper Potts, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Good Friend Ned Leeds, Happy Hogan is a Good Bro, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Tony Stark Coparenting Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-29 21:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21417085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisterispidey/pseuds/wisterispidey
Summary: Tony snickered, “We—we call it the Peter Protection Program.”(aka 5 times people were recruited to the peter protection program and the 1 time they had their first meeting.)
Relationships: Happy Hogan & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, literally just his family bro
Comments: 45
Kudos: 438
Collections: Marvel(ous)Universe





	the peter protection program

**Author's Note:**

> maybe i suddenly missed the princess protection program—and also i liked the alliteration lmao sjsj

**i.**

The whole idea first popped up over one of their weekly dinners.

May, Tony and Pepper were out for dinner—Peter was at the movies with Ned and MJ. And maybe now they were all a little tipsy, but it hadn’t been _that_ much wine.

“Y’know,” Tony muttered, “we should probably start a club or something.”

May took another small sip of her wine, “What club?”

“How about uh,” Pepper paused, “how about a Peter Protection club?”

Silence settled over the adults as they thought over Pepper’s suggestion.

Peter definitely needed a protection club, the kid got hurt way too often, and sometimes he didn’t even _tell_ them about it.

May snickered at the idea of her nephew, _Spider-Man,_ having a protection club, nearly knocking her glass over.

Tony snickered, “We—we call it the Peter Protection Program.”

“Like that one Disney movie?” Pepper asked, all three breaking into laughter when Tony nodded.

And that’s how the Peter Protection Program started, it was kind of a joke but drunk (or in their case tipsy) words were sober thoughts, right?

**ii.**

Okay so Rhodey was _not_ fucking expecting to see Tony’s face when he woke up.

And he definitely did _not_ scream either and if Tony didn’t stop laughing right now he’d probably kill him.

Probably.

“Tones,” he grumbled, “what the—and I can’t stress this enough—_fuck.”_

His best friend had the decency to look a little ashamed and that was the best Rhodey could wish for.

“Sorry Platypus,” he shrugged, “I’m here to recruit you for a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

Rhodey raised his eyebrow. He didn’t even want to think about what happened the last time Tony told him that.

Too much glitter, that’s what fucking happened.

“What qualifications do you have to join the Peter Protection Program?” 

Okay he got woken up for _this?_

“Tony, what the fuck man,” he tried really hard to ignore the stupid puppy dog eyes he already knew Tony was giving.

Keyword—tried.

“Okay fine,” Rhodey sighed, running a hand over his face, “the kid’s basically your kid, I’ve dealt with your bullshit since MIT, of course I can protect Pete.”

Tony nodded and Rhodey snorted at his contemplative face.

“I see,” Tony grinned, “well Mr. Rhodes, welcome to the Peter Protection Program.”

Rhodey flipped him off before falling asleep again.

Man, what the fuck?

**iii.**

“Hey Hap,” Tony chirped from the backseat, “Guess what?”

Happy startled, he nearly forgot Tony was there for a second.

Speaking of which, the boss was way too quiet today and that was generally not a good sign.

If he was dying again, he’d kick his ass.

“What boss,” he answered, honking at the asshole who tried to cut in front of him.

He didn’t even have to drive today, but noo, _go get the kid, Hap, he’s missed too many lab days._

And Happy did like Peter, he really did—he was a good kid and everything, but he had to reschedule coffee with May to chauffeur a Spider-Kid and his dad.

Stupid self sacrificing superheroes and their nerdy desire to build shit—Happy was pretty sure they were watching movies and blowing stuff up half the time too.

“You’re in the Peter Protection Program now,” Tony informed, “please don’t lie, I know you love him.”

Happy coughed, “I do _not,_besides, I know that you love him boss, FRI’s got proof, _everyone_ has proof.”

Silence.

“Okay, you know what, I was _attacked.”_

Happy snorted, hiding his small smile behind a cough.

The Peter Protection Program, huh.

**iv.**

When Ned’s mom had told him that May had invited him over for dinner, he was expecting Peter to answer the door like usual.

Not Tony fucking Stark.

“Hey Ted,” the genius greeted, “Pete’s out patrolling, sorry about that.”

Ned spluttered, “Um, yeah, Spidey business, no offense Mr. Stark, but uh—why are you here?”

Tony laughed, “Dinner of course.”

“Hey sweetheart!” Ned heard May shout from the kitchen, “Come on in, Tony quit terrorizing him.”

Tony gave her a mock offended look, “Am not, the interrogation hasn’t even started yet.”

The interro—what now?

Ned sat down at the table, and as much as he loved Peter he did not want to get interrogated by his scary coparents.

What if he died or something holy shit.

“So Fred, _Ned,”_ Tony corrected from the look May gave him, “what makes you think you have what it takes to be in the Peter Protection Program.”

Ned nearly choked on his water, “I’m sorry, the _what.”_

“The Peter Protection Program,” Tony continued, “kinda obvious what it is, s’all in the name bud.”

Ned could hear May’s laugh from the kitchen and wow, okay this was _not_ how he pictured dinner would be like.

“Um well,” he cleared his throat, “Pete and I have been friends since kindergarten, best friends since forever.”

Tony nodded, gesturing for him to continue.

“I’m his Guy in the Chair.”

Ned paused.

“And Pete’s a smart dumbass, someone’s gotta help him sometimes, y’know?”

May smiled, shaking her head as Tony stuck out his hand, “Welcome to the club, kid, Pete’s definitely a dumbass.”

All three startled at the red and blue clad figure that stumbled through the window.

“I am _not_ a dumbass,” he mumbled, yanking his mask off and wow, that mask hair did _not_ fit Peter well.

“Peter is that _blood?”_ May yelled, holy fuck his best friend was bleeding out in the kitchen.

Mr. Stark looked pale and yeah, this was why Peter needed more people in the PPP.

**v.**

Really, Michelle knew this was coming.

Ever since Ned had sworn her to secrecy about the Peter Protection Program—PPP for short—she knew someone was gonna invite her.

But she did _not_ expect it to be both May Parker and Pepper Potts to be the ones recruiting her.

And now she was kinda dying inside because it was two women she admired greatly and y’know, Pepper Potts was right there, no biggie.

“Hey, you must be Michelle,” Pepper greeted from the Parker’s living room.

“Call me MJ,” she replied smoothly, “it’s an honor to meet you Miss Potts.”

Pepper smiled, “The pleasure’s mine, MJ.”

May walked into the living room, boxes of take out in hand.

“Tony, Pete and Ned are out at a guys night or whatever,” May told her fondly, “so girls night?”

Michelle had only met May Parker once before. 

Peter had invited her to his science fair competition and she couldn’t decline—one look from the famous Parker Puppy Eyes and she was screwed.

May had been kind and caring, an absolute queen—so yeah girls night sounded great.

Michelle nodded, “Are you here to recruit me for the Peter Protection Program too?”

May grinned sheepishly and Pepper laughed.

“How’d you know, honey?” Pepper asked.

“Ned’s not the best at secrets,” MJ gave a her wry grin, “but I’ll join, I don’t think Peter realizes he’s kinda obvious.”

Michelle watched Pepper share a knowing look with May.

“You know?” May asked, careful this time.

“That the dork’s Spider-Man, yeah, he’s not that subtle,” Michelle confirmed, it was kinda easy to piece it together if you observed him.

And it’s not that she liked Peter or anything, he was just a mystery—and it was basically her job to figure out mysteries.

May rolled her eyes, “I’m surprised his identity’s still intact at this point.”

Pepper nodded her agreement, and MJ laughed—maybe being part of the PPP wouldn’t be _too_ bad.

**vi.**

When Peter walked through his apartment door, he was not expecting for everyone to be there.

Everyone being Mr. Stark, Miss Potts, Mr. Rhodey, May and Happy—even Ned and MJ were there.

“Uh,” he coughed, “what’s up guys?”

“My blood pressure is what’s up,” Mr. Stark gave him a pointed look, “you wanna explain _this,_ Spider-Man?”

Peter winced at seeing footage from today’s patrol, he could still feel the fresh bruises on his side.

“And there’s also this, honey,” May called out, and Pepper showed yesterday's headlines.

_Spider-Man Saves Family From Fire_

And that went great, he saved the family from getting torched—he also got a couple third degree burns but they didn’t need to talk about that.

Besides, they were healed now, no big deal.

“And y’know Pete,” Ned piped up, “I promised I wouldn’t tell because snitches get stitches, but man you’re the one that kind of needs stitches.”

Peter cursed, he really shouldn’t have told Ned to hack Karen’s protocol or about him getting stabbed on patrol today.

MJ gave him a pointed stare, and she looked like she was gonna find a way to delete his kneecaps—and he knew MJ, she probably would and he wouldn’t even notice.

“The stab wound is clearly just a _light_ injury,” Rhodey deadpanned and Peter gave him a hesitant smile, “so clearly, there’s nothing to worry about.”

What the hell was this supposed to be—everyone gang up on Peter day?

Man, he was feeling kind of attacked in his own house.

“And now on the behalf of the Peter Protection Program,” Happy announced, “we’ve decided you’re now banned from patrol for a week.”

Everyone else nodded their agreement. Peter sighed, he should’ve seen this one coming. 

And okay, maybe he did need a _little_ break and a week wouldn’t be too bad—Queens could survive for a week.

“Wait,” Peter started, “what the _hell_ is the Peter Protection Program?”

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are highly appreciated!
> 
> reviews and criticism are appreciated as well.
> 
> thank you so much for reading <3000


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